|
A Male And Female Perspective Towards Marriage |
|
Written by Administrator
|
|
Page 2 of 2 There are many things that I considered when my parents were in their "searching" phase however, there are many things that I never realized until after I got married. These things I wish to share with my younger siblings before they get bamboozled with the whole marriage idea. And I’ll share them with you, too. I would like to break this perspective down into a couple of "issues." The first issue is The Meat Market: Ask any young East-Indian woman and she’ll tell you that she felt like she was being paraded around for everyone to see. Personally, the way I felt, it was as though my parents took off the sticker on my forehead that read: "too young to get married" and replaced it with one that read: "will someone please notice this girl?" I felt that my mother shuffled me around from party to party; from country to country in hopes that I would be noticed. I wanted to tell my mom to slap my face on a billboard with a slogan that said: "We’re desperate, please call immediately!" So, what to make of all this? When your parents are looking for a potential husband, make sure you ask why you’re being paraded around. It’s a good idea to ask. The next issue is The Picture Scenario: I always knew my parents wanted to send a "recent photo" of me to some potential family when they’d "accidentally" pull out the fully loaded camera. This, I hated. So, when your parents want a picture of you for some unknown and mysterious reason, just smile. It will be a lot less painful. I always felt for those poor souls who had to go to a professional to get some posed shots taken. But really, there are very serious issues at hand. After all, this is your life and your happiness rests upon the perfect match! There are quite a few issues to consider. The most important thing is to COMMUNICATE with your parents. All our lives we are being told not to date. Nope, we cannot have boyfriends. I was allowed to have boys that were friends but never boyfriends boyfriends. Suddenly, my parents want me to open up and tell them what I want in a marriage partner! Stop! Biiiiiiiiig communication gap here! If you can talk with your parents about this issue, I would suggest that you take full advantage of it. Talking with them releases a lot of tension. Understand this, your parents are under a lot of stress as well. This is a very awkward time for them, and they’re uncomfortable. Break the ice. I have a friend who is pretty good looking, employed and athletic but he is just not getting married. He keeps a girlfriend on the side while his parents are out hitting the pavement looking for a "life partner." Honesty really is the best policy. A good thing to do would be to make a list that outlines the qualities for which you are looking. Be succinct, and honest. Your life depends upon this list. Once you know what you want, you’ll be able to verbalize it to your folks. Now don’t say, "Oh, I want him to be able to sing in Spanish, and he must have six-pack abs, and he must have hazel eyes and drive a Porsche. Oh! And he must be a doctor." Umm, that’s not being true to yourself. Maybe you’d really like someone who can appreciate a wide variety of music. Perhaps you’d like for him to also enjoy exercising. You really like hazel eyes but, you’ll stick to basic brown. Last, perhaps you’d actually like for the guy to be well educated and have good taste in cars. I think those qualities are attainable. I say this from experience because I used to think that there was an East Indian guy who looked like Brad Carlton from The Young and the Restless out there waiting for me. Although I’ve found better, I really had my head in the clouds. If you find it difficult to approach your parents in an open and honest dialogue, go to the next best thing. Find a buffer. Talk to a sibling or a sibling-in-law with whom you have a good relationship and tell them your fears, concerns and wishes. They’ll be a great go-between and give you all the inside news about your sneaky parents. My husband spoke with his elder sister when their parents were "looking" for him, and she told them to cool off a bit while he got settled in his career. This entire procedure (I know, that sounds so clinical but, it is such a wild mess of emotions) is wrought with tension, stress and high riding emotions. Everyone seems on edge and you’re always the center focus. It is important to have someone with whom you can share these feelings. I kept a journal of my frolic through wedding land. I found that all the emotions I was carrying with me fell upon the pages. I would really feel that a great burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Whenever I wanted to revisit those feelings I would pick up my journal and flip through the pages. This way you don’t lug your feelings around with you all day long. Remember that bit about writing a list? Well, there are plenty of other things that go with that. First, I believe that the perfect time for a woman to marry is between the ages of 24-27. You’ve done your stint at university and now you’re probably working. Second, get to know yourself and what you want out of life. If you don’t know what YOU want, you won’t be able to be sensitive to the needs of someone else. I was in a miserable job for 2 ½ years. My father thought I was going to climb the corporate ranks, but I had a yearning for another career. One day I told my mother I quit my job and had applied to the university for my second degree. Today I couldn’t be happier doing what I’m doing. If I continued to work where I was I probably wouldn’t be too happy at home, and to my husband. I’ll talk about meeting the "guy" next time. Please feel free to comment and give your opinion.
|
